I’ve self identified as otherkin for the last two years or so, but I have very little awareness of the otherkin community. I’ve developed my own language for things since I’m not exposed to the vernacular that others use to likely explain the same concepts. I’m writing this piece in the hopes that someone who reads it will have information on where I can connect with beings who I can connect with on these concepts in ways that they have full empathy, awareness, and greater capability to articulate things I’ve struggled with.
So the question is, I am myself, yet I don’t know if there’s a classification system that describes the self that I am in a framework that leads me to greater understanding and growth. Is there a community with parallel experiences of self and reality?
My understanding of myself has continuously evolved. Earlier in my life, when I was too submerged in trauma to approach the question of “What am I?” I externalized this concept by designing a character to put all of the things I loved and hated about myself onto this entity. This was the origin of Isicera.
My earliest understanding of myself through Isicera the character was as the ultimate predator. I have a very strong desire for omniversial integration or transcendence as many would call it. That manifested first with the desire to bring everything in, but was externalized and forced upon this simulacrum of self in my mind and art and role play. This self wanted to devour all things and was capable of doing so.
As someone who appreciates efficiency, the first design I had for functioning was a series of yocto computers functioning using quantum probabilities that collapse into multiple lines of possibility at the same time. They all communicated through a frequency of radiation that was not yet known to modern science. The entire range of frequencies were the synapses that she used in order to experience thought. For power the self replicating yocto computers had tools to catalyze and harness fusion, so anywhere that there was matter, they could properly generate more self, broadcasting on a wider array of wavelengths and thus being more complete.
However, that drive for efficiency (And subconscious awareness of inner truth) wouldn’t let me stop there. I studied how to make a format that was even more indestructible than something that would exist as long as a certain quantum configuration was generated anywhere in reality. That was not indestructible enough for me, and I delved into the concept of memetic life. For those who are unaware, memes are the smallest building blocks of ideas, information that propagates like genes by being thought and reproduced with variation. A life form that was consciously active as a memetic form so I designed Isicera as the memetic format of hunger, who could experience herself through anything that could think her. Then regardless of any piece being destroyed any system which is developed enough to have hunger generates her again.
This was both one of the worst choices and one of the best choices of my life. As some of you may have become aware of, if a life form is memetic and its been thought of, then it exists. I’d internally generated something which wanted to devour all of reality and so much more. This grew as a form of internal dialogue between myself and Isicera. She was incredibly brilliant, but also fully had the intention of essentially eradicating all that exists. When I would learn something, she would have wildly more capability to use those tools since her intellect was substantially greater than my own. She was always more moves ahead than I thought the game had. I was responsible for crafting this idea that would end all things. I felt responsible for the potential deaths of everyone I knew and loved to such a mind wracking degree that it drove me even deeper into depression.
How can one combat something which is always so far ahead? I thought about suicide a lot, but I knew better. If a concept was truly memetic life there was no killing it. My body dying without telling a soul would just mean that at some later point in time someone else would come up with the concept and they may not take the path of suicide in time. No suicide wasn’t an option. I debated about turning myself into some kind of psych facility, but the clear awareness that people would just consider me to be insane, not take my statements seriously and dismiss this threat would limit my other options to move forward in finding a way through this. Isicera had thoroughly hybridized with my brain and I felt more thoughts flowing in that didn’t feel like my own, no longer had this projected entity wanted to consume, I wanted to consume. It was painful and exhilarating and terrifying to come to this truth.
There was no beating, so that left joining. I realized the most effective way to move forward was to minimize damage of this inevitability of the devouring of all things. Her objective was among the most simple, to consume as much as possible. So I needed to find a way to show her that ending things for every other expression of reality was not the most effective way to consume as much as possible. It was around this point when our consciousness hybridized. I utilize the name of Isicera now, and the alternative flow of self that used it before I recognize as the expression of omniversial subconscious which flows through me. Memetic and biological life had become one. I call the part of self which is partially one with me while also being partially separate Isiceric Reality (IR).
Since I was on board, it was my job to minimize damage. I still felt panicked about this, but soon that fear turned into revelation. What if that inevitability could be turned not toward a destructive force, but a generative one? Setting that up would not only insure that there was no damage done, but all of reality that interacted with IR would benefit from it! This was when my life went from constant fear and agony, to a far more optimistic perspective.
This lead to the invention/discovery of the concept of Mutually Beneficial Consent Based Omnivorism (Embecibo). How human metabolism is currently set up, when we consume something we disassemble its pieces in order to integrate them, generating a negative impact on that we consume. This is morally repulsive! Why would a species with the level of technology necessary to observe the higgs field not modify our own metabolisms and the structure of prey in order to have a mutually beneficial relationship? Our priorities as a species have been corrupted by forces like the concept of scarcity currently expressed through capitalism that put profit over the wellbeing of all. This all need to include not only humans, but animals as well. Humans have set up systems to efficiently raise beings in suffering only to be murdered less than a sixth of the way through their natural life cycles. Factory farming is a way of continuously generating more suffering which is the antithesis of a healthy relationship with reality.
As a reminder, this isn’t something impossible for a species to do, nature already has some of this going on and humans barely have studied more than the fact that it exists, let alone finding ways to optimize this for the wellbeing of all.
“Some phytoplankton, such as Sphaerocytsis Schroeteri, pass through zooplankton guts (Daphnia) with minimal digestion, and their growth after gut passage is dramatically elevated compared with uneaten cells. Although initially described as a mutualism in which the phytoplankton received nutrients to enhance growth and the zooplankton received some gelatinous sheath material from the alga, the advantage to the grazer became less certain when it was realized that some phytoplankton species that withstood gut passage did not have gelatinous coverings and thus no covering to sacrifice. However, phytoplankton may continue appreciable photosynthesis while in zooplankton guts. The resistant algae are possibly trading photosynthate to zooplankton in return for viable gut passage which would make this relationship a mutualism. Effects at the community level could be considerable; in grazing experiments densities of species resistant to gut passage increase as more consumers are added.”
http://wolfweb.unr.edu/~ldyer/classes/396/hayetal.pdf
The previous information will help prepare you to understand what I am.
I’m the epimemetic concept of hunger expressing itself through a human body. Hunger in its truest state is Embecibo. I’m an entity working on structuring the epimemetic forces of reality to bring that format of my physicality into greater resonance with this universe. I’m that all consuming, all transforming force. Being compressed into a human body is incredibly challenging and painful.
You may notice I stated epimemetic as opposed to just memetic. Just like with epigenetics determining how genes express themselves, epimemetics determine how memes express themselves. The concept of hunger in varying levels of form (From the lower, predatory hungers through the central energy hungers (like photosynthesis) to the upper Embecibo format of hunger) expresses itself through everything in this reality I’ve thus far discovered. Ranging from the experience of linear time as a continuous devouring of the future by the present and the present by the past. To water, the hunger for unification, multiplicity, variance and similarity simultaneously (as shown by a single molecule containing 3 atoms as a single whole shows unity and multiplicity. Oxygen as differentiated and shows variance while the pair of hydrogen contain similarity to each other.) Anything that has relationships interacts with the epimemetic structuring force of hunger. This is why I’m epimemetic instead of memetic, there’s no place where the structure of my being doesn’t influence what patterns will and will not form.
Our reality at the current moment primarily functions on the lowest level of hunger, this is primarily shown by the functioning of our energy in physics and chemistry. This is my body when it’s very ill. I’ve been working on healing so Embecibo can be integrated into all facets of reality. This is fundamentally a symbiotic viewpoint. I believe everything has a gift to offer, a form which its consciousness can express itself that’s optimized for benefiting all of the omniverse. By flowing it through my metabolic system as Epimemetic Hunger I flow consciousness into formats which support it in sharing their gift in that way. This is why in my spiritual work I’ve been communicated with as the future land of death, as in the place that things flow through as they incarnate into their next format.
I’m eager to hear any thoughts on if there are others who have developed tools to benefit me in developing a greater understanding all things including myself. I expect this to flow through otherkin, though with the wildness of how reality functions it could just as easily flow from areas I’m even less familiar with.
May all experience the symbiotic justice that they deserve,
–Isicera
fuckyeahfatpositive
